I get involved with a few organisations big & small. Either as a member/shareholder or asked to help advise on getting their governance, compliance or help get their efficiencies up to speed.
One group had problems with governance & compliance.. A standing committee that really was running the show & wasn't reporting to its board.
It was a mess, the tail was wagging the dog & regular 4-6 hour meetings. Huge legal exposure & high on inefficiencies.
Enter Muggins me. I emailed the committee, I figured it would be better they got it togther discretely, no public mess, no one getting thrown under the bus. After all bad habits had formed over a long time, other people inherited these habits, added to them through inexperience & expediency...and yeah some Machivellean influeneces too
By the meeting minutes the committee decided to invite me to their meeting to set things out. TWICE. Between the two committee decisions was an AGM, there was no Action Statement so second time they decided they must have forgot their previous decision and repeated their decision. Decided but never enacted.
Instead months lare I was asked in passing if the CEO & I had set a date to attend. I had no idea what was being asked. It meant things were worse than I'd previously thought. I ended up attending, some of the members were very happy, impressed & filled with hope but certainly not all it seems.
Privately I was told that some were indignant that some upstart was interfering.
I was shocked when I was told months later. I approached her privately, politely during a break at a meeting. I explained that I didn't know what I've done to make her feel uncomfortable & apologised completely and unreservedly. I then assured her I was committed to ensuring she felt comfortable and ok. She accepted that thankfully.
Having never spoken to her I can only assume she'd felt the critical email to the standing committee was out of order.
I was able to continue to avoid her completely after that. All was good. The friend that had tipped me off secretly agreed to always be present if the aggreived lady was nearby. We thought all was ok, but no point taking any risk. All was good, because as it happened I was able to stay well away.
Fast forward to 6 or so months later and at an event of the organisation & amomgst a number of people that lady said to me "We're all going out to dinner tonight, 10 of us so far. Would you care to join us?"
She was polite, genuine & very pleasant. Got to say I was seriously happy as all appeared repaired.
It was a relief & I thought good on her.
I said I'd love to but that it was a family night & the wife and I were booked in for dinner elsewhere and thanked her. All good.
Privately told my lady friend it appeared resolved but asked if the arrangement could stand, could she still rush over if she approaches me, that I wished to avoid her at all costs just in case. She said no problem. We thought it wasn't necessary but it was still wise.
Next day my lady friend was speaking to the aggrieved lady & asked in general chat "so it's all resolved & good with you guys..."
Then the shock came. The lady emotionally, publicly & loudly said "No it most certainly is not..." and said "It never ever will be"
She alleged that I had rung her repeatedly at 4am & had abused her.
My friend was gob smacked. Others were present and heard it.
This is completely untrue, never rung her let alone 4am, let alone abused her ever.
Now the next day out of the blue, the lady approached my friend and quietly & emotionally said she should never have said any of those things. My lady friend told me & said do nothing, avoid her like the plague to stay safe.
Which I have done completely. I avoid her, never ever name her & talk about her except to the lady friend.
I discussed it off the record with the CEO so he was aware. Turns out he was there during her outburst.
After watching a Jordan Petersen video on the clinical studies, the data on men & women and how their anti social behaviour or aggressivness presents differently, well it resonated. Women generally aren't physically aggressive or physically threatening. Those that aren't physically abusive tend to use gossip, lies, innuendo & reputational destruction.
I spoke to a Clinical Psycologist friend & she confirmed it and she doesn't follow Jordan Peterson at all.
She said follow the data with people, facts (facts not feelings), calmly stand your ground based on the facts (not feelings) but if serious reputational destruction is looking likely yes, don't hesitate, get the hell away from them. If they are emotional, irrational and vicious, time to run. They aren't necessarily evil people, it is just how their aggressive anti social behaviour presents itself when they cannot deal rationally with others. I said what about clearing my name. She said unless you're prepared to go through a complaint process in the organisation or a legal civil case drop it, walk away.
So yes, I left the organisation behind. An organisation I actually believed could do very good things for others & that there's still a bunch of really great like minded minded people there.
Life went on before I was born, it will go one perfectly after I'm dead. The cemetary is full of people who thought the world could not survive without them. The organisation can chose its own pathways.
Its their business now, not mine. My business is doing other things elsewhere now.
Be aware, whether you're a man or a woman, heighten & sharpen your periferal vision, stick to facts not feelings and avoid those irrational people who may be keen to do you mischeif. Especially if they use the anti social tactic of gossip lies & reputational damage. Stay Safe.
As it turns out there is a bit of a positive. I have gone into full "life recalibration mode" and now pulled away from a number of organisations. Including ones I feel 100% safe & welcome in. It's time to recalibrate.
Funny how such a negative & what could have been a potentially destructive life wrecking incident can actually help prioritise life's pathways. Still not happy, it was still a vile & annoying dog act, but that's life and I've moved on. I will always avoid being anywhere the person, I will never even speak her name. Staying the hell away.
So my advice, review your life goals & direction regularly & thoroughly. Avoid damaging people at every opportunity. If you see a person falsely attacking another, behind their back or in front of them calmly ask them to stop. Then stay right away from them, lest they go after you..
So with that in mind, go to this video & start at 2:20 & watch onwards. Stay aware & protect yourself so you don't have to defend yourself. As is explained in the Karate Kid, best way not to get hit is not to be there.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RHEDF4l43SY
LATE EDIT - Ummm oops, this post came up in conversation with a friend "Hey didn't you also have a colleague complain to a mate of yours about you that was dodgey"
And yes, that is true. Its probably the only other effort of lies, gossip & reputational damage I've copped that I know of. This particular lady apparently said I was a bit a bastard because I had refused to put her on a mailing list to do with the let's say "club" I was secretary of.
My friend was pretty shocked & rang me within minutes of it being said, as he drove off.
I told my mate ignore it, that I thought it was pretty funny. That I hadn't refused her access to anything, she'd never actually asked, not by phone, email, text, smoke signal, United Nations Resolution nothing. As she was a member of another related & nearby "club" and not ours I would have been ok with it but I'd have to ask our members if it was ok.
She never asked, she was never denied, she was "lies gossip & reputational damage"
She did not know that the guy she spilled this to was a mate of 30 something years, I attended his wedding & his recent 30th wedding anniversary bash.
So he knew me pretty well. Hence he was so greatly shocked. He also knew it was BS, he also said he was aware of her doing this before to both men & women who called out things.
He offered to turn around & confront her. I said no, ignore it. People who know me will ignore it or ring like you did. People who know her will think here she goes again. People who don't know will catch up at some point. I don't think she displays corporate psycopathy or sociopath traits. I think she has incredibly lofty aspirations of being the most sort after sage in the room but has trouble finishing tasks but adept at coming in when others have nearly finished tasks to try & take over. I was told of this when I first heard of her & since then have never been formally introduced to her because I avoided her. Didn't think she was a troublesome threat, just didn't want to be linked to her in any way. So have spoken to her once, try to avoid speaking about her.
So its almost like a stranger was trying to lie to damage my standing with a very close & well known mate.
I mean, that is pretty damn funny. I'll have to flick the link to this particular blog to that old mate.
Always a good day when you can make someone laugh & he will cackle or chortle :-)
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