Good Advice For Getting Along vs Good Advice For Doing Right

Regarding the title...Yes at times they're different. There are times when standing up for a right thing or a another possibly unpopular person who's right, it can cause you to not get along...but its the right thing to do. Sadly that's life. You have a choice, sell out or do the right thing. I expect no one has a perfect record & expect there's some who's seemingly perfect record is probably just a high percentage score. Even if that is sadly the case, then we're left with the same dilemma, what do you want to do,

I've been lucky, I can think of a number of good people, family & friends that were kind enough to give me some very good advice. Two shearers about 15-18 years old of me gave me a ton I still lean on. A long since passed on gent, who was the town drunk but even at his drunkest he remain a kind, thoughtful gent. He gave advice that stuck. As one other friend said, good advice is there, not always spoken or given, learn or lose.


I recall reading Edward DeBono's books in the 1980s & 90s, some were brilliant & should be required reading. Since then I've leaned more on the Ben Shapiro & Jordan Peterson angles (and no they don't/won't always agree) that go with facts and data. The idea that its about "Facts Not Feelings, Facts Don't Care About Your Feelings" resonates. Its very true. Its why I was good at debating in high school but hated it. It seemed you could be totally wrong & still win the debate. You need skills backed with selective facts and you can win with debating & THAT is the main problem with discourse today. What De Bono called "arrogance arguing".
The example I usually give is imagine a debate where the topic is "That Breathing Oxygen is Bad For You". You're on the negative side & you've come up with a lot of damaging things that can happen breathing the air. Your opposition is doing nearly as good as you, they're definitely trailing but they have missed one crucial point you are very aware of. No oxygen means you'll die so breathing oxygen is very bad for you.

Conundrum - They are missing a fact that is crucial to the debate, but will cause you to lose. Arrogance arguing is the idea that you don't mention it, that you don't help your opposition, that you win.

And that is the sum total of lots of discourse today. Winning & losing.
Shapiro & Peterson, who don't always agree & I might disagree with them at times too have a different approach. Facts, not winning is important. There is no personal victory to be had, there is no threat of personal defeat, its not a competition, it must be what the facts & data present. Nothing wrong with learning you were wrong, the almost morally wrong part is not correcting or change your stance when its shown to be wrong.

Its Not About You. Leave You Out Of It. By all means add your views, that will help drag you and a differing person closer to the point of conclusion but its not a race, its not a competition its dual pursuit, to get what's right.

Be warned, there's side affects of doing this. By sticking to cold facts & being able to give and take as facts emerge & either add to your position or correct your position.
 YOU ARE NOW A DANGEROUS PERSON WITH DANGEROUS IDEAS.

You will cop personal attacks, ignore them.

You will be regarded as a scary person, threatening and aggressive.

You will have people say you're a bully or mean.

If the other/s are leftist or use leftist tactics you will see "triggerings", claims of victimhood, accusations of aggressiveness. These complaints might have some truth to them, you might come across as aggressive but equally possible some feel pressured into a corner by fact, truth & reason where they feel confined with no where to go.

There is the thing, you can have your own opinion but you cannot have your own truth. Truth is not yours & the position you take in a debate is not YOURS, it must be the unowned truth, the unowned facts, the unowned data. It must not ever be about you.
Maintain that & you can still be labeled a bully, a thug, mean, aggressive or unreasonable even if you're quietly, politely spoken, not getting personal, just presenting facts or asking for data to support a claim.

DON'T BE RUDE, STICK TO FACTS NOT FEELING, DON'T GET PERSONAL, STICK WITH DATA & KNOW YOU COULD STILL GET LABELED A BULLY OR AGRESSIVE BY SOME.

In that case, anyone calling you a bully or aggressive the answer is simple. Never ever engage with them in any way alone. Not email, twitter a face to face discussion, phone...nothing. Soon as you hear a person has labelled you, keep witnesses at hand always. We're in an age where people have made allegations about people with views they oppose as a last desperate act of defiance or spite. If you're guilty then you deserve what consequences are due, but if it isn't true protect yourself.

Some people use the tactic of get the person & not the ethical "play the ball not the man"

Facts not feelings, facts don't care about your feelings. Its not about winning, its about what's right.
That's the basis of a dangerous person with dangerous ideas. Doing the right thing with facts.